mmmjkerouac's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- i can't handle this I was readng past entries of mine from five years ago and i don't know what to say about them...they are very frank...to say the least...and yes, i still use the "..." in my writing. As i near thirty i think of locking this diary, but then i realized it's not like anyone would care, afterall, who the fuck am i?...i do believe that i deleted several entries because i was young and stupid (i was going to say because of my ex) and now i really want to know where i was (mentally and intellectually) when i was 21...i really don't remember...ahem...not a damn thing's changed...except i live in ohio now and i'm horribly fat...it's so fucking disgusting...but i am working on that...i will not go into my thirties a fat bastard...i ran away from my ex into the arms of another guy and truthfully, i don't (or didn't) want either of them...but i'm not 21 any more...i have a mortgage to pay and adults don't run home to daddy when they don't want to play anymore...i have to fight sooo fucking hard not to go running home. it's disenchanting to know that i've squandered the potential that comes with being young...the scenery's changed but everything else remains the same...it's not meth, it's coke...it's not prozac, it's wellbutrin...it's not don, it's chuck...speaking of wellbutrin...guess who has a mental disorder?...probably...maybe...more than likely...i'll find out one the 13th of next month 4:05 p.m. - 2006-10-31 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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